When I was still living in Colorado, I planned my escape route to Florida. I would drive as far north as I could before turning south, rather than driving along the southern coastline (avoiding a humidity disaster!). But questions swirled inside of my head like hungry crows ready to descend on fresh road-kill. Had I done enough for my son? Would he consider my leaving as abandonment years from now? The point of being a stay-at-home mom was to raise children that would not have to spend most of their adult lives reprogramming themselves. These were just a few of the questions that harassed my brain.
I needed a professional’s advice, or perhaps permission to go to Florida, even though my heart was telling me to just do it already. I chose Patricia after I read her free E-book about PTSD. Once I found out she had first-hand experience of conquering PTSD from her early life, and had tools to teach others, I was sold. I also admired that she became a therapist because she could not subscribe to the way the mental health field diagnoses with labels and treats people with prescription drugs. As a coach, she is able to help people in a more authentic way. She was the manifestation of my own beliefs.
It took me three tries to finally leave the situation, and it felt wrong with each attempt. But by the time I actually left, I had a good idea about what an abused wife goes through when leaving a spouse, even though my situation revolved around a divorced spouse and an adult son. Each time I decided not to go, and moved through the dreaded cycles until I got fed up again, Patricia was there for me on the other end of the phone. Our conversations revolved around my getaway plans, and when I did not succeed, she would remind me of the plan I had described before, what foiled it, and what I needed to do to succeed the next time. I felt ashamed of being in this situation. It was like a horse running back to a burning barn. Until Patricia helped me see, it never occurred to me that my inner child was making the decisions out of trust, and for comfort.
After arriving in south Florida, I tried to find a therapist. I reached out to a few people and sized them up over the phone, but most were way out of my price range. Then Patricia emailed me, and in the email was a video of her and her own coach. Patricia had helped me move out of a very bad situation, which in itself was a miracle, but seeing her interacting with her coach was like seeing myself! I wrote back to tell her what a powerful interaction and dialogue it was for me to take in.
Patricia responded, ”Yes! See how we are similar? Everybody has scared and confused and powerless parts inside of them. The work is to call in the Confident Leader, who we truly are. I am so joyful this helped you see it! Know that you are the one you have been waiting for and you have everything you need, and refer to the video and any other reminders as touch points. I’m so honored to have served you and I’m still here for you!”
The next day, I felt out of sorts and melancholy, and reached out to her again by email: “I’m actually having a lot of feelings come up since I saw your video. It’s a little overwhelming.…I spent most of today in a funk. As I lay in bed, overwhelmed with feelings, the girl inside of me began a dialogue, so I talked back to her and tried to comfort her like you showed us how to do on the video. The encounter baffled me but I knew what to do. I hummed a song to her. The one my mom used to sing to me. Too-a-ra–loo–ra–loo–ral. Do you know it?
With Patricia’s permission, I’m sharing the video and some of our exchange. In her email she congratulated me for “sharing the medicine!” She also wrote, ”Ooh, one question, when you say comfort like I showed on the video, did you place one hand on your heart and another on your belly?”
“Yes,” I beamed, “I placed my hand on my heart and the other on my belly!”
I originally thought the emotional fog was so thick that I would never find my way out. This little opening released just enough to help me feel restored and happy the following days. It’s surprising how one ordinary experience may turn into a big deal. This was not the first time I have interacted with my inner child, nor will it be my last.